It's Scarlett's world...I just write about it!

Long Time Gone...

Much can happen in 12 years....

2 College Graduations.

3 Weddings.

4 Grandchildren.

Career changes, new homes, new cars, new lives.

Time is just another number. 12 years ago today, our lives were altered forever. And so much has happened since. But time doesn't always heal old wounds. Sometimes, wounds never fade-they just become a part of our landscape. And we learn to live with them-even if they're sometimes crippling. You get used to the pain. After awhile, it becomes worn-in and even comfortable. Because you forget what life was like without it.

Much can happen in 12 years.

And alot can change. But some things don't-like the fact I still miss you. As much as I did back then. Maybe, even more.

ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Scarlett Mckenna Nagorka-2007

 

 

Scarlett Mckenna Nagorka-2008

   

 

She turned 16 months yesterday, and while I admit I may be a bit biased, she is quite possibly the most amazing little person I've ever met. She doesn't miss a trick. She is bright, intelligent, happy, and loves to give mommy and daddy hugs.

She also bites!

But, as predicted, she's given me reason to love the holidays again. Her daddy and I are both giddy at the thought of Christmas Morning. She squeals with excitement when she sees Santa at the mall (although we'll see if that love carries over when she's actually sitting on his lap!)

2 years ago today...

I was in Columbus, spending a eating-drinking-shopping-bonding weekend with my sister and a friend. After a long day, I collapsed into the hotel room bed-feeling full, buzzed and overall, content. Nothing should've disturbed my slumber, but I had a dream that night that had enough force to shake me from snoozin'. The dream provided me with visions of myself, holding a newborn baby. An un-seen narrator informed me that I was looking at myself, in 8 months.

I awoke in a startled panic. I knew it wasn't just a 'dream'. Sometimes, my dreams are unlike others. They're messages from somewhere else. May sound like hooey but if you sat down and heard me out, you probably wouldn't. I'm even published in some books because of this...so somewhere, someone believes me. Anyway, I knew this was one of those messages.

But...I had just miscarried. But...I'd put all 'plans' on hold. But...I was thinking of switching careers. But...I didn't think Mike and I had even SEEN each other except in passing that month. But...I knew, at 3am that morning, that vision was dead on. I was pregnant.

I kept my secret to myself until late that evening, after returning to Cleveland. Mike was at a Browns game and I knew I couldn't keep this to bottled up inside any longer. I also knew anyone I told would need more than my 'vision' as proof. So I headed over to my  friend's house, armed with a couple of tests. Of course, I didn't need to take them, but I guessed right-she needed validation. Within moments, she got it.

I've already forgotten what it feels like to be pregnant. What it feels like to feel life inside me. What it feels like to wonder if I'm carrying a girl or boy, if they'll be blond or bald, if they'll be beautiful. But as long as I live, I will never forgot the flurry of feelings that rushed through my veins that night. My friend and I jumped around, and cried, and hugged, and cried some more-although I think her tears were more because she was losing her 'going out' gal!

Everyone in my life knows I've always wanted to be a mom. It was never a question, and it was a known desire in my life from the time I was old enough to hold a baby doll. So as I sit here tonight, I can't help but tear up a little at that night-exactly two years ago- and the shining moment when a messenger brought me a dream come true.

Apparently I'm a 10 yr old at heart...

and this goes further than the fact that I've attended a NKOTB concert this calendar year. This is because my obsession with a material object right now reminds me of being 10 and wanting the Cabbage Patch Kid for Christmas SOO badly I could taste it. Luckily, Santa came through that time.

In the last 24 hours, I've found myself looking up the Blackberry Storm about 100 times online. I stare at its beauty, its sleek design, its features (which I've memorized) and unfortunately, its price. I even dreamed about it last night-and wouldn't you know the Crack berry in my dream saved my life from the bad vampires chasing me down (ok, too much Twilight lately, I know...). Its been forever since I've had a dream revolving around something I want so badly (well, under $1000-those 'new house' dreams are quite frequent).

I've already posted my Christmas List, and you can all see that the Blackberry Storm is on there. However, I don't have as much faith in Jolly Ole St. Nick this time, as I did back when I needed Bert Armory-the preemie. Maybe the price will go down, and my friend at Verizon can hook me up after the Holidays. But damn, it'd be nice to see it under the tree on Christmas Morning. sigh.

Guess for now, I"ll just visit it online-and in my dreams!